So, Mary and I are on a tour bus in Milan, and the guide is pointing out attractions on our way to view “The Last Supper.”
One of the attractions she points out is … I kid you not… a seven-star hotel.
I can’t even concentrate on the other attractions that the lady is jabbering about because my mind is racing on what the features of a 7-star hotel must be…
• Every time you enter hotel lobby, they release 100 snow-white doves
• Hot and cold running art
• Walk-in mini-bar
• 1,000,000-thread-count sheets
• Mirror in bathroom makes you look 20 pounds lighter
• Instead of bidet, bathroom features trained chimpanzee who wipes your behind with moistened cashmere towelette
• Complimentary helicopter shuttle to airport
• Beautiful Asian lady stops by your room nightly to floss your teeth
• Chinchilla towels
• Continent breakfast
• Button that makes entire floor rotate until you get view you like
• Closet filled with live chickens in case you feel like a fresh egg or some fried chicken
• Turn-down service includes Morgan Freeman stopping by to read you bedtime story of your choosing
• TV features HBO and CineMax
